Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Set'em up Joe,

I've got a little story you ought to know….

A dog walked into a restaurant….

Actually, it was a cat and it was a bar, but I'm getting ahead of my story… Let me tell  you about packing up and getting on the road...


First, make a list of only the items that you must have…. then scratch half of them off.  Second, gather all the material on the floor in front of you, look lovingly at all, then throw half of the stuff out.  Then try and pack it onto your machine…


Don't try to follow a route using the highway signs.  They are either not there, are upside down, or point the wrong way.  Your tax money at work.  Okay, not too bad on the Interstates, but otherwise…..

Don't even think of riding at the speed limit.  Today, if you're not 15 mph over the posted number, you are going to be run over…. This goes double in Pennsylvania…. There, 75 in a 55 mph zone is standard…. standard, I tell you.

Making good time…

Just remember my friend the Italian Pilot.  We had been flying for a while and I asked about our location, and how we were doing…. He responded: "Mike, we're lost, but…. we are making fantastic time".

As for real time, remember that 60 mph for two hours does give you 120 miles an hour timing, BUT, if you stop for coffee &, plus fuel, for say, one-half hour, when you start off again, you're down to 90 miles for the two hours.  Funny how we all know this, yet hardly ever remember it.

So, the cat says to the bartender, "Do you know the First Rule of Piaggio?" To which the barkeep says, "Can't say that I do."

"The First Rule of Piaggio", says the cat, "Is never lay your machine down on the left side."  "Why the left side" says the tender.

"Because, if you do, your crankcase oil will spill onto your air filter and make a big leaky mess.  So, if you really insist upon laying it down, do it on the right side."

"But, what will happen if you lay it on its right side?" says the Barman.

"Damned if I know," says the cat.  "My motto is, 'One Rule at a time'".

The next day, the cat walks into a bar and asks the Bar Maid, "Do you know the Second Rule of Piaggio?" The Bar Maid takes a swipe with her rag on the bar top, says "What'll you have? And no, haven't got a clue."

"The Second Rule of Piaggio" snickers the cat, "is never, ever park your machine on an incline such that your front wheel is higher than your rear."

The Maid slaps the Guinness down and asks, "Why not?"  "Because," says the feline, "Your fuel will run out of your carburetor onto your plug and your machine will not start….. until you call for a tow, get towed to a service center, remove all your gear, call for a taxi to take you to a motel, at which point, and only at that point, the mechanic will attempt to start it - (to see what he can see) - and your machine will start up and run perfectly.

The next day, a cat walked into a bar, with heavy heart and sagging shoulders and said…..

"Do you know the……." 


  1. Great bar stories Mike. Only problem is, they sound like they're steeped in real life experience.

    Oh, and I can think of another reason not to park facing uphill. How the hell did you get the bike off the stand? That, and when did you book your hernia operation?

    1. Well, you know all great literature is firmly grounded in real-life experiences, yes?

  2. Mike:

    I didn't know you traveled with a cat. Did you bring the Kitchen sink too ?

    I would rather park front wheel higher, rather than lower. Don't ask me how I know, and then you have no control over which "side" it decides to use

    I am hoping that all is well and we can laugh at all of this later. Did you have to top up your oil again ?

    I remember in South Dakota the speed limit was 75 mph and everyone was going 82. Take it easy and smile. You're not on a schedule, are you ?

    A weekend photographer or Riding the Wet Coast

    1. Yes to question one, It makes getting wasted and ready in the morning that much easier.
      All is well and I am chuckling, although these long days are tiring.
      Remind me to stay out of South Dakota.

  3. I am glad you are taking this with a sense of humor. I've been following along on Facebook.

    I think you've moved from adventure to epic. It is only epic when something goes wrong.

    Do you need to rename your blog to 'Scooter for Not So Fun?'

    1. Not a bad idea, although truth is, epic adventures are what makes living all that much more fun. Glad you're following along, much more "I don't believe it" material on its way.

  4. I have been trying to figure out if things have gone wrong, bad or worse as I can't really tell from the post.

    I hope things are improving!

    1. I can't tell either! However, my father always said, "From the bottom there is only one way you can go.", so I'm hopeful.
      Of course, my uncle Louie always said, "Just when you think you've reached the bottom, so ass comes in with a jack hammer.", so I'm not so hopeful.